Oh, lord, it’s SO SLOW. When I’m lying awake at night (far more often than not) I sometimes feel like the changes occurring in my house could teach glaciers a thing or two about slowing down. The universe unfolds faster than the projects in my house.
This does not, of course, accurately reflect reality. It is just the horrible yawning mismatch between where I want to be and where I am; between what I want to do and what, realistically, I can do in any given 24-hour period. I feed the kids, I drive them around; I talk to Mum and get her, sometimes, to appointments; I feed the kids some more; I support their projects and their meltdowns and their social lives; I research and try to solve problems; I clean the cat litter and feed the chooks and oh, look – it’s time to feed the kids again and then begin the 47-hour circus that is bedtime so that I can lie awake chewing it all over. I get distracted, too, and spend an inordinate amount of time looking for my own stuff that I’ve put down and wandered away from sixty times a day.
So what tortures me in the small hours is the Great Undone. If you ask, I’ll tell you: I’ve dropped all my balls and then some. It’s not the stuff I didn’t cross off the list today, it’s the stuff that didn’t even make it on to the list. And then there are the dreams… Aw, hell. All of that, and more.
So this is a reality-check post. Evidence, to me, that progress is, in fact, being made, however infinitesimally.
Exhibit A: Mr Pixel’s room. Not yet liveable; right now, though, let’s focus on what’s different from the last snap. The walls have been painted, the tall bookshelf bought and assembled, the small shelves painted. The bed, oh the bed! Or as I’m trying to remember to call it, the Lego Station. Completely sanded, painted (two different colours). Shelves built on the left-hand side (barely visible in this picture). Right-hand shelves trimmed and new legs built to accommodate feet on the ladder end. Backboard shelves built and attached, corkboard bought and attached. Quite a bit of paint spatter has been scraped off the floor, an ENORMOUS amount of outgrown-treasures have been redistributed, more than a few childish artworks have been recycled. (For us, with all the emotions, this is probably the biggest step; it represents not just project progress but personal growth as well). Options for lights over the workspace have been researched. Most of his Important Treasures have been found homes on the shelves or in the cupboard. Still quite a bit to do, but progress. Yes, definitely progress.
In the back yard, these two veggie beds have been built and painted. The pond (white blob in the back corner) has been filled and fish introduced; they haven’t died yet. Progress here is slower, less visible, as the
vandals chooks still have the run of the place. Optimistically I bought plants to go around the pond, but they’ve all been dug up. Repeatedly.
In the front yard, the fence has been mostly constructed and painted; I still have to get someone in to build the front gate; there is still fence-levelling to do and a few pieces that need to be added on the side yard.
We have a plan for the road trip; most of the accommodation has been identified, so as soon as I find some sit-down energy I will start booking. I guess it doesn’t sound like a lot; for me, balancing destinations (far apart) against driving tolerances (short) and budget against comfort (specifically, not putting us all in one room too often, as it just makes the introverts cranky) – that took a lot of brain power and a lot of time.
In this period, too, we’ve got through both kids’ birthdays and both their parties; we bought a wood-burning kit that the three of us are learning to use; we set up CraftyFish’s fish tank (so easy to say! so hard to get right!); we have been letter-boxing for the local candidate in the upcoming federal election. It is not like I’ve been sitting on my arse, no matter how it feels at three in the morning. I just needed to remind myself of that.